General Relief Society Broadcast

I must confess, I've never attended the General Relief Society Broadcast before. I don't know if I just didn't pay attention or I didn't care but it never really clicked in my head that this was basically the women's version of the Priesthood session of conference. I always just assumed it was some extra meeting that wasn't really that important. Generally we expect the men to attend the Priesthood session so this year I decided I should be expected to attend the Relief Society session. I'm so glad I went. I'll be honest, the older I get the more I question the church. Not so much, do I believe it's true or not but more, why do we do things this way instead of that way. Honestly, I think ever since we got pregnant I've been struggling spiritually. I think the physical trial of pregnancy gave my testimony a beating and I really need to try harder to build it back up. I'll admit, I almost never have formal prayers except for meals. I struggle so much with this concept. I say little prayers in my head or heart throughout the day but I rarely get down on my knees and have a conversation with Heavenly Father. I'm also much more inclined to thank him for this and that and end it there. I rarely ask for things anymore because I have gained the negative attitude that its pointless to ask. I just get these thoughts that are basically, "If God wanted to provide this or that to me he would, me asking isn't going to change his "plan" for me so what's the point of asking?" Like, is me asking really going to change what he was planning to do? I guess I don't know the answer to that. It feels like the answer is no. God is going to do what he already planned to do regardless of what we ask for. I just need to stop questioning everything the church does or doesn't do. I've decided that even though I may not agree with every little thing in the church there is no way I can deny the truth of the church. The spirit has testified way too many times that this is the true gospel. I know the basics and I cannot deny them. I know there is a Heavenly Father who loves us and knows us even if we don't feel like we know him. I know he has a son, Jesus Christ, who lived and died for us. I know Joseph Smith saw Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and received inspiration and direction from them to restore the truth upon the earth. I know President Monson receives inspiration from Heavenly Father today. I also know Satan is real and he is out there and I do not like the way he makes me feel. I like the way I feel when I'm at church or in the temple or reading my scriptures or the ensign so I just have to forget about all the little details that distract me from that.