Running

So I'll be honest, I think about running a lot. For me running is an escape and a way to push myself physically. I think physical challenges are really all I have going for me right now. Taking care of a baby doesn't really challenge me mentally....maybe emotionally somedays but for the most part I think Kate and I have a system that seems to be working for both of us so its not so much an emotional thing anymore either. The chores can be brutal. It always feel like I clean the house and within an hour hurricane Kate has come through again. I have no idea how many loads of laundry I do each week, or how many times I empty garbage cans or empty and load the dishwasher or how many toys I pick up each day or how many children's books we read but it can seriously numb your brain sometimes. I love her to death and obviously I'll always choose to be home with my kids as long as I can but I do miss having an actual job. I miss the interaction and the variety of tasks and projects and the feeling like you've accomplished something that day. I go in spurts of when and how much I think about it and the last couple of days I've been missing it. I think this is why I'm so devoted to running, because I don't have a job that's just my own that challenges me, but...running is all me. When I run I actually feel like I've done something good for the day. Nobody else can do it for me. I used to think you can't declare yourself a runner unless you compete in marathons but I've changed my mind. I've never competed in a marathon and I don't know if I ever will but I've decided I'm a runner, I want to be a runner. I have a hard time coming up with reasons why it's worth paying somebody else so I can go run miles and miles when I can run for free. When you're on our budget an $85 entry fee is a weeks worth of groceries and I just can't justify it.